The Paper Scissors' last ever show is more significant than the first Western Sydney Wanderers game
Sports vs The Arts. It's a battle that has raged since before you were born. Rage Against The Machine vs Ryan Giggs, Picasso vs Pete Sampras, Tommy Raudonikis vs Andy Warhol. Arguments of dominance and importance that have been debated in pubs, watering holes and brothels with much vigour over the decades. A war of significance that still to this day tears apart the weak fabric of our land like Ian Roberts' shorts in that infamous 1993 State Of Origin game and/or Kev "Tame Impala" Parker cutting up his Converse All-Stars to make a bong.
But the battle has never been more at the forefront of debate than it is this weekend, as two conflicting events hosted on the same evening will be fighting for recognition from the people of this fine city. Sydney. The Real home of culture. And curved free kicks into the top corner.
Speaking of corners. In one of them we have the Western Sydney Wanderers, the long overdue football/soccer team that will proudly represent everywhere west of Broadway Shopping Centre. They make their A-League debut this Saturday at Parramatta Stadium. Meanwhile, at The Standard, Taylor Square, Oxford Street, Sydney, one of this city's finest EVER bands, The Paper Scissors, will say farewell to the world.
Which brings us to the first hair-splitting issue — location.
Parramatta is a bloody beautiful (second) city within a city. It's got an amazing park. It was once the home to Royal Headache (apparently). But it's also about fifteen nautical hours away from your house (regardless of where you live) via the crippled public transport system of Morris Iemma's Sydney. Meanwhile, Taylor Square is right in the heart of the city. You can pick yourself up a junkie at Central Station, flip him a two dollar coin and get a piggy-back chauffeur lift right to the door of the venue.
In the immortalised words of Martin Tyler — "that's one nil."
Then there's also the issue of entertainment. Don't be fooled. I'm a huge fan of football/soccer/wogball. I've knocked up 15-plus years as a proud representative of the Menai Mandarins in the all-white Sutherland Shire Sunday Football League. But the quality of the game played in this country still sucks. One Italian grandpa and/or a mile of Heskeys doesn't change that. It's still overwhelmingly dominated by niggles, dives and dirty little shirt pulls.
The Paper Scissors on the other hand won't studs-up tackle you at any point during their performance. Guaranteed. They also have more classic songs than the Beatles, Temper Trap and Roy Orbison combined. Here's just a small taste...
And then there's the final and most important element — gettin' legless. It's a Saturday evening. You're young, that beer gut and/or type two diabetes hasn't caught up to you yet. Why are you wasting your best years in the Western Ranges witnessing some Quality Family Entertainment? You should be canning on, Jagering down and browning out. Getting pissed at sporting events is near-impossible as well. Pesky long beer queues, mid-strength alcohol percentages and too much sobering-up exercise jogging the infamous Parramatta Park steps to the bar. Whilst at Any Live Venue they practically pour West Coast wine coolers down your throat. They're paid by liquor companies to do so.
If there's any downside of going to see The Paper Scissors on Saturday it's that you might run in to me and my illustrious team of writers (ie. Rav). We'll be flexing some disk jokey muscles between bands, a feat so disappointing that it'll probably make you wish you'd gone to see some Sports somewhere. And then The Paper Scissors' will hit the stage and you'll be really bloody glad you took our advice and attended the show.