Is Gathering Of The Juggalos 2012 going to be better than ATP's "I'll Be Your Mirror" Festival?
Whilst the ATP Festival, curated by hard-working Australian rock group The Drones, will feature credible acts such as The Drones, My Bloody Valentine and Godspeed You! Black Emperor, it will NOT feature any performances from Psychopathic Rydas, Kottonmouth Kings or Mack 10. Mushroomhead, Lil Wyte and Warren G will also not be appearing at ATP. But you will be able to see all these acts (as well as Christian Metal legends, P.O.D.) at the 13th Annual Gathering Of The Juggalos, which starts today (Friday, US time) and continues until they run out of illegal energy drinks and/or Sunday.
Mushroomhead's aside though, do you honestly think a performance by no-wave punx Swans would have anything on a couple of buttered-up bars from Kool Keith? Who would you rather have over for a dinner party and/or chaperoning your sister to her year ten formal — George Clinton or Cam "Shadows Of Love" Butler?
This guy invented Funk Music. My Bloody Valentine didn't invent Funk Music.
In addition to making the criminal mistake of choosing the Beasts Of Bourbon instead of cult horrorcore star, Liquid Assassin, The Drones also failed to lock in triple-treat rapper/actor/minister, Mr Earl "DMX" Simmons...
But line-ups aren't everything and in the wise words of Kevin "Cunt" McCloud — "that shag carpet looks ridiculous". More famously, and appropriate for this instance, however, is the phrase "location location location".
ATP's "I'll Be Your Mirror" Festival will be hosted at Westgate Entertainment Centre and Grand Star Reception in the sleepy inland suburb of Altona, Victoria. The township, which shares all the unattractive qualities of it's sister city, Hamburg, was once described by reparable travel journalist Jerome Seinfeld as the "Earth's Poo Shooter". Meanwhile, GOTJ 2012 will be taking place inside a cave in Illinois.
And... to rub a little more toxic face paint into your burning wounds, the crowd at ATP Melbourne will consist exclusively of: a) hipsters, b) Hipster Dads, c) Your Dad discussing how great life was when the Lansdowne Hotel was still open. Meanwhile, in Feel The Bluddy Illinois, there'll be just 50 million in-bred clowns tripping balls off cheap backyard speed.
Your new best mates.
Oh yeah, and Ric Flair will be hosting the main stage on the final night of Juggapolooza 2012.
The full ATP "I'll Be Your Mirror" Melbourne line-up (so far)...
- The Drones
- My Bloody Valentine
- Godspeed You! Black Emperor
- Beasts Of Bourbon
- Einsturzende Neubauten
- The Dead C
- Lost Animal
- Thee Oh Sees
- Sleepy Sun
- Cam Butler & The Shadows of Love
See you in The Juggle Pit.